My Thoughts Exactly – He is Legend: It Hates You

I got my hands on the new album from metalcore misfits, He is Legend, today and I’m really glad I did. I’ve always been a fan of HIL. They are one of the few bands out there trying to create their own genre of music. Much like Every Time I Die, Poison the Well and Glassjaw, it’s really hard to peg them. The second you think you know how to classify them, they go out and change your mind.

The biggest difference between It Hates You and the band’s previous outing, Suck Out the Poison, is front-man Schuylar Croom’s return to a more melodic tone in his voice.(On SOtP, you would almost believe he was recording with a sore throat or just happened to be listening to a lot of southern rock.) This album sees a voice more reminiscent of the I Am Hollywood album.

Vocals aside, HIL also takes their musical experimentation to another level. Not only should the band be commended for their ability to tell captivating stories in their music, but they really run the gamut of influences through the album. We even hear the continuation of the China White saga, with part III – an ambient, artful masterpiece. Additionally, the slick production really helps the music deliver an atmospheric presence, which is something a lot of music can’t seem to do these days.

Groove-laden, guitar-driven, punch-packing and emotion-drawing, this album is it. Whether you need some background music to punch little kids to or you just wanna kick back, put on the ol’ headphones and pretend we aren’t in a recession, this album covers all the bases.

It’s another refreshing outing from a group that seems more like a fairytale than it does a band. If you haven’t heard of He is Legend yet, you will soon enough. These guys can only fly under the radar for so long. It may hate you, but that doesn’t mean it can ignore you. I give it a 5/5.

Pogostick Pudding

Know what I did last night? Well, first off – if you already know the answer, please stop stalking me. Secondly, I was watching The State on DVD. I honestly forgot how damned funny that show was. I don’t think the phrase, “I wanna dip my balls in it“, will ever lose its funny.

I always enjoy going back to old movies / shows and realizing how people know each other now. I mean just look at The State for instance. This one show is the reason we have Wet Hot American Summer, Reno 911, Stella, Michael & Michael have Issues and Role Models. It’s like a big group of friends who became successful and keep giving each other  work. Then there is another tier. Take Role Models for instance, stars Ken Marino (of The State and Reno 911) and is written by Paul Rudd and David Wain, who both had a part in Wet Hot American Summer. I mean this is like an IMDB orgy right here! It goes on and on and on.

Anyway, the DVD is awesome. 3 disks complete with an entire disk of never-before-seen skits, outtakes and bonus footage. There is also new commentary on every episode, which is hilarious. I recommend watching each disk once with and once without commentary.

What else have I been doing?

I watched I Came In Your Mom 2 (Zero Tolerance), which is admittedly not very good. I don’t believe for a second that any of the women in this movie are real moms. As I’ve said before, if you can’t believe the fantasy, it isn’t worth having (in my opinion). Aside from that, the scenes aren’t very good anyway. I would save your money and skip this. I give it a 2.5/5.

I also went and saw Bruno. It’s as funny as you think it would be, but the movie itself is only a little over an hour in length. I was disappointed to say the least. Not to mention the theater kept fucking up the sound, but that’s besides the point. In all honesty, I would wait until this is out on DVD. I know a lot of footage got cut to maintain an R rating, so wait until the extended, uncut version is released. That is when you will get your money’s worth. As a movie in theaters, I give it a very disappointing 3/5.

For those who actually keep tabs on my blog, let me say that I am still without a job and I am still living in Ohio. This economy is giving be the big ol’ Epic Fail sign.

My Thoughts Exactly – Porn’o'palooza

Lots of new reviews for you to fill the empty space in your brain that used to be filled with Cosby quotes. Speaking of which, where is Bill Cosby? I’m surprised he didn’t make an appearance during this whole Jackson memorial period. Anyway, I’m getting way off track. Here are those reviews I promised you 2 seconds ago.

Real Wife Stories Vol. 4 (Brazzers) – Where to begin? Where to begin? These may be “real” stories, but I don’t think a single viewer is going to buy that the women, whose experiences are being recreated, look anything like the stars of this film. So, off the bat, the video gets an F on its realism. With that said, Phoenix Marie has a pretty hot scene in here. All in all I just sat there wondering where I can find these women in real life. I mean seriously. The movie is good for what it is, but I think there are too many “artificial parts” that make this movie contradict what the title implies. None of these ladies look like real wives, unless you’re a very lucky 1% of the population. 3/5.

Lollipop Girls 2 (Legal Pink) – I’m going to keep this review short, because this is an awful movie. I will never understand why this is Europe’s number one selling teen line. Is there a lollipop fetish I don’t know about? There is literally a scene in this movie, where a guy sticks a lollipop to a girl’s ass, while she rides him. I don’t get it. I am open to other’s fetishes, but this is one I can’t get over, nor understand. Aside from that, the movie is bad. Every girl in this movie appears to be bored and unexcited. Yawn. A dismal 1/5.

Secretaries 2 (Combat Zone) – Gorgeous girls, who actually seem to be enjoying themselves? This a huge departure from my previous review. Tarra White is one of my favorite actresses and she really shines in her scene. I still think it’s funny they are all called secretaries. I mean the word secret is right in there. It’s like they are predisposed to sleep with their bosses. Oh wait, I’m dreaming again, aren’t I? Oh well, great DVD. The only downfall is length. I expected it to last a little longer than it did. With that said, I give it a 4/5.

Fishnets 10 (Zero Tolerance) – Priya Rai is on the cover? Nah, it should be Kimberly Kane. She makes this film. Don’t get me wrong, there are no bad scenes in here, her’s just stands above the rest. The whole time I was watching, I couldn’t help but feel there was very little emphasis on fishnets, even though it’s the title. So, despite the hot scenes, I have to knock down some points for failing to capture the obvious theme of the film. Did the editor not know what this film was going to be called? Perhaps they just throw an intern at the dartboard. Intern away, looks like a 3.5/5.